Why the 3-second-rule doesn't work for me
That the 3-second-rule (immediately approach a group upon entering a venue, and approach a target immediately after noticing her) is one of the most important rules is a given for many guys.
Not for me, though. Why?
Well, let's examine why the 3s-rule works:
- It gives you social proof
Because you're never seen standing around alone
- It prevents you from chickening out
Because it makes you go talk to her before you can have second thoughts
For me though, the primary problem is *not* being afraid of talking to people, but finding a good opener, and stuff to talk about. If I talk to a girl immediately, I'll be nervous because I couldn't prepare, and that nervousness will come through. If I spend a little more time observing her and the situation for potential conversation props or situational openers, I will come up with more good stuff to talk about.
Hanging around before appraoching is a problem, but that can be overcome by being in a group of friends or wings that you can hang out with in between approaches. Another way would be to be in a loaction where people do not go primarily to socialize, like a bookstore. That's why I prefer coffee shops over bars: people are just as relaxed and open to meeting people, but you can easily hang out by yourself while reading a magazine etc without seeming like a loner.
Not for me, though. Why?
Well, let's examine why the 3s-rule works:
- It gives you social proof
Because you're never seen standing around alone
- It prevents you from chickening out
Because it makes you go talk to her before you can have second thoughts
For me though, the primary problem is *not* being afraid of talking to people, but finding a good opener, and stuff to talk about. If I talk to a girl immediately, I'll be nervous because I couldn't prepare, and that nervousness will come through. If I spend a little more time observing her and the situation for potential conversation props or situational openers, I will come up with more good stuff to talk about.
Hanging around before appraoching is a problem, but that can be overcome by being in a group of friends or wings that you can hang out with in between approaches. Another way would be to be in a loaction where people do not go primarily to socialize, like a bookstore. That's why I prefer coffee shops over bars: people are just as relaxed and open to meeting people, but you can easily hang out by yourself while reading a magazine etc without seeming like a loner.
2 Comments:
Have you really tried it? I mean repetitively and without ejecting in less than 10 secs.
yes and no - I did try it, and it led to me ejecting after 10 secs due to running out of things to say.
Which could probably be overcome with more experience, I'm just saying that for me right now, it's better to prepare a little.
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